"Nothing's hard as getting free from places I've already been..."

Maybe I've deluded myself that my small number of faithful readers has been sitting breathlessly in front of their computer screens, constantly hitting the refresh key, waiting for today's post with news of my fate. It would be totally cruel if I ended the post here with something like this:



At least those of us old enough to remember the old TV test patterns from when stations actually stopped broadcasting late at night would understand. Or, more likely the blog world would "little note, nor long remember" if that was my complete post. Thank you "Honest Abe" for those words. I would not be so cruel. I will tell you of my day and of my meeting with my principal to the best of my ability.

Tell me how I conceived
The vanity to believe
That I would not be outnumbered
By the thumbs I have been under
- Wallflowers, Up From Under

After several hours last night spent consulting with my friend Cameron, I spent my morning carefully drafting a letter of resignation to my employer, that I could use at our meeting today if it became appropriate to do so. I actually ended up not using the letter yet, but I now know for sure that I will be using a modified version of the letter after the July 4th holiday has passed.

I went into the meeting determined not to be humiliated like I was during the last meeting. As Cameron pointed out to me in his supportive voice mail this morning, I "am a professional and an adult" and I "deserved to be treated as such." Well said, Cam.

I finally received a copy of the formal letter of complaint that was promised to me back in December, with all of my "alleged" incidences of sub-standard behavior and unprofessional conduct outlined. While some of those items mentioned are definitely true, I immediately found a number of items that were either greatly exaggerated or just plain false. When I first mentioned this, I was told to be careful of what I chose to dispute, since all of the points had been well-documented. I chose to hold off on presenting my resignation, because I wanted it to not seem like a knee-jerk reaction, or something I had hastily written up because I was afraid something I had done would be or had been discovered.

As the meeting progressed and I expressed my concerns about returning to my previous position, I was then told that some of the points on the letter were now negotiable. I was told to cross off the things that I thought were "bogus" and present my revision to him and we would work on the directives relating to the remaining points. I was told that this would make the entire process less work for him, since he would have to document my progress toward each of the remaining directives. Where did this change of heart originate? When I expressed the potential of resigning from the position, I was told that it would involve a great deal of work to find a successor, but that if I truly felt the need to resign that it would be supported, even if it was the day before the next academic year. He expressed hope that I would not come to that decision, but would meet all of the proposed directives and continue my career.

This is obviously not what I plan on doing. I've had enough. My holding onto my letter of resignation bought me the time to clean out my office and devise a more firm strategy for where to go from here. I applied for several jobs yesterday in a field which I would like to work, at least temporarily. I intend to present my letter when all of my personal belongings have been retrieved and all of my employer's property has been returned, probably on July 9th when my supervisor returns from his vacation week.

While the directives do not seriously compromise my ability to do my job, I feel that some of them are demeaning. Since I also received copies of several of the emails which a particular parent sent to him, I now know that this parent is acting out of a personal vendetta against me for depriving her child of a leadership position in my program last year. Her emails were juvenile and vindictive. Some of her points of contention included her having a problem that I play World of Warcraft, since some of the students play this game as well; using email, text, or other electronic means to communicate information to students; and maintaining a presence on the web (she sent him links to pages I had at the time). The worst thing about this was that I should have received these complaints when they were received by my principal, not more than seven months later.

“There is no coming to consciousness without pain.” – Carl Jung

So, I have a plan. I have friends, family, and faithful readers, that support me. I have about 10 days to accomplish the first steps toward freedom. I feel that I am doing the right thing. I am actually excited about what the future may hold. It will be a challenge, but it will also be an adventure. I have come to realize that my identity has become almost completely defined by my work. I have spent too much time consumed with earning a living and doing only my work. Life is supposed to be more than that.

“There is no more fatal blunderer than he who consumes the greater part of his life getting his living.” – Henry David Thoreau

“I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life... to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” – Neil, Dead Poets Society (quoting Thoreau)