"So full of misadventure and feeling insecure, it’s so easy push the pen, fake the tense, and give us nothing more..."

(title quote: Cartel, The Fortunate)

To misquote something that Samuel Clemens, a.k.a. Mark Twain, never really said, "The rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated." I can hardly believe that so much time has gone by without a post here. I figured that today was as good a day as any to wrestle with that slippery eel time and throw some words into the ether for your enjoyment, appeasement, or at least for mine.

"Patience, child it will find you
Your deepest dreams will guide you."
- Cartel, This Is Who We Are

I've been in a holding pattern; an airplane circling endlessly in a sea of cloud, waiting for clearance to land. I've been working shift after shift, not really getting tired or worn out. I know those feelings well. I became well acquainted with them over the past few years. I've been working as many hours as I could get, because the loan company wanted pay stubs and documentation of my hours, since I started both of my jobs so recently. I've also noticed a difference between the long hours I've been putting in over the last few weeks and the long hours I was putting in over the past few years previously.

I actually get a tangible reward for this.

I work longer. They pay me more. I've never known this phenomenon before. Fourteen years of salaried servitude, working as much as I could because I wanted to have the best band I could and mostly to give as much of myself to my students as I could, yet never seeing the direct, tangible evidence that this extra work was rewarded. I received more indirect rewards, like the lasting appreciation of hundreds of students and higher scores at contests and festivals, but this was always tempered by the huge amount of criticism I received. Being a band director is much like being the coach or manager of a sports team. When it's all said and done, everybody has an opinion of how they would have done things differently. There are thousands of armchair band directors out there. Even success is rewarded with, "They would have been even better if only he would've..."

"If I were to write the song that could somehow change the world...
Would it be a calm surrender
Or a fight to the death?
Would it give something to live for
Would we give our final breath?
Would it be a roaring opera
Or sweet as a child's kiss?
Would it sound like all the others
Or would it sound something like this?"
- Cartel, If I Were To Write This Song

Both of my managers are extremely appreciative that I do my job(s) exceedingly well. I've mentioned previously that both stores look at sales of "drivers" to gauge employee performance. Last week, I doubled the entire CD store's driver sales for the week in a single two hour shift. At the end of last week, I encouraged the manager to implement a scoring system for employees, based on driver sales, and placed where we can all see them, to increase our driver sales. So far, it seems to be working. We have been recognized as a store several times in the past few weeks and the manager has received a nice framed certificate for our performance. I have continued to have incredible driver numbers at the game store as well, being the highest ranked employee in driver sales at our store for three weeks running.

I've always had a competitive spirit. Being a band director gave me an outlet for that. Sales also gives me an outlet. I have never been one to lose well. It's always been one of my greatest weaknesses, so I do everything I can to not lose. I don't have to win, I just don't want to be last.

When I was a child, I was overweight and unathletic. I was always picked last for kickball, which I loved to play. There was never any rational reason for this, as I could really hammer the ball, since I have strong legs (but very weak knees, go figure). They just picked me last because I was fat, nerdy, and unpopular. They never really gave me a chance to see if I was any good, it was just assumed I wasn't.

I think we, as a people, a society, tend to judge others without giving them a chance to find out what they are really capable of achieving. Those of us who are already "outside the circle" are the ones who tend to give others chances before writing them off as unacceptable. We are used to being judged and we don't like to see it happen to others. We root for the underdogs. We cheer for the come from behind win. I even like to watch those corny sports movies where the team of misfits scores an improbably victory against all rationality and all the odds. We tend to think that in the real world, it doesn't happen all that often.

It happens more than people think it does. People survive horrific accidents and horrible illnesses, people beat terrible diseases, underdogs do win. Heck, just look at the number of people who survive to surpass the age of 100. That increasing number of people, some very active and alert, are a testament to the fact that people beat supposedly insurmountable odds every day.

"Light at the end of the tunnel? We don't even have a tunnel; we don't even know where the tunnel is." - Lyndon B. Johnson

Today is the day we are SUPPOSED TO get our cars. I hope that the wire transfer hits our bank account today, as it should. I am getting a brand new silver 2007 Chevrolet HHR, which I discovered is modeled after the 1949 Chevy Suburban (I'm including pictures to show the resemblance - mine is silver with rear side windows, not the panel version). I've always loved old suburbans and similar vehicles. Being a surfer as a teen, I've always wanted something like a "woodie" van. This is my chance. Okay, it's not the stereotypical mid-life crisis car. It's not a candy apple red convertible sports car, but I've wanted one for a while now. I think that some strange sort of car acquisition gene becomes active as we hit this point in our lives. I'm not sure why it is, but I can't wait for my new HHR.

1949 Chevrolet Suburban

2007 Chevrolet HHR Panel

My wife isn't picky. She chose me, didn't she? That proves my point. She has always been the practical one, so she wanted the cheapest, most reliable, economical and fuel efficient car possible. She has settled on one that I picked out for her. We chose it over the Grand Am for cost, fuel efficiency, mileage and options package. It is a 2003 Ford Focus. It's only a year older than the Grand Am we were looking at, has less miles, a killer Blaupunkt stereo system, is in better condition, and gets much better fuel economy with its 4 cylinder engine than the Grand Am's 6 cylinders. Plus, we can get a better deal on it. It's also the same color, grey, as the Grand Am we looked at. I am anxious to have reliable transportation again.

2003 Ford Focus

I had a psychic moment that caused me to avoid injury this morning. I dropped my wife off at work, and was returning home in my dad's car, through the intersection where my wife was rear-ended by the D.O.T. truck last month, since I don't have to work until this evening. I was in the left turn lane, when my arrow turned green and I started to make the left turn, when I became aware that I was supposed to stop and wait for something. I stopped and watched as a small white pickup truck ran the red light into the space where I would have been had I not stopped. As he reached that space, right in front of me, he realized he ran the red light and would've hit me had I not stopped, which caused him to panic and slam on his brakes, causing him to stop abruptly, as he would have had he broadsided me. The driver behind him was paying even less attention and had run the red light right on his back bumper. When the pickup truck stopped, this car slammed into the back of it, which also would've pushed me down the road had I not stopped just in time. It all happened over the course of a few seconds, but seemed to happen in slow motion. After the cars stopped moving and everything was settled, I saw that nobody was hurt and went on my way, thankful that I sometimes get feelings like that.

"Maybe life is curious to see what you would do
With the gift of being left alive."
- Marc Cohn, Live Out the String

At any rate, I have returned, at least for now. I will try my best to get back into the writing groove. My energies have been single-mindedly directed towards solving our transportation difficulties. The people at the loan company are probably sick of hearing from me. They all probably have my sob story memorized by now, about how hard it is to get back and forth to work for my wife and I and how my parents have been living without a car for all this time. I notice that I have been missed. My absence was noticed here. My wife was reading one of her favorite blogs the other day, only to read in the most recent post that the blogger was searching for the address of a blog that she really enjoyed reading, but hadn't added to her blogroll (I need to update mine). The blogger described it as being written by a former band leader who lived in South Carolina and now worked at a game store. It made me feel special.

"I hear the others wondering where I've been
I hear my mother
She's worried sick."
- Cartel, If I Were To Write This Song

My apologies to those who have wondered where I've been. Sometimes when I focus on something, it is to the exclusion of all else. I am fairly sure that it's a symptom of my ADD, and my wife can attest to how annoying it can be. My friends also endure long silences from me, not knowing how I am or hearing from me. I've gotta work on that.

You've probably noticed I'm in a Cartel sort of mood. It's good to be back.

"Searching the moment that defines you
your deepest dreams remind you
get out before you're gone
now that all you hear is what surrounds you
push it out, get it out from around you
never stop and you will find it all."
- Cartel, This Is Who We Are

"If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane."

(title quote: Jimmy Buffett, Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes)

"We're getting older and older, and older
And always a little further out of the way..."
- Counting Crows, August and Everything After

On Wednesday morning, I was a bit nervous with the task ahead of me. I was faced with being the manager on duty and opening a store that I had never even seen before, working with an associate I had never met, and reporting to a manager I had heard horror stories about.

In short, everything went fine.

I made it to the alarm system before the delay expired, accomplished all of my opening tasks without any problems, and discovered that I had already met the store's assistant manager at a July 4th party at Chad's house a few years ago. We remembered each other from the party, so it gave enough familiarity to make things a bit more comfortable. The manager doesn't seem to be as formidable as everyone told me she was, of course she could just be waiting until she knows me better. She also seems to have a sense of humor, which I didn't expect.

"I make the changes, the changes that I need
But I no longer know how to pray
And I'm living in a dog town and it's a dalmation parade
I change my spots over and over
But they never seem to fade away
Now I am the last remaining Indian
Looking for the place where the buffalo roam
In August and everything after, man them buffalo ain't never coming home..."
- Counting Crows, August and Everything After

This store also does far less business than the game store that I have been working at, so there is a bit less urgency in the tasks, but a bit more boredom at times. The customers seem friendly, for the most part. Yesterday, a customer came in from the other store and we started talking about Chad and how we had known him for a long time (though, having known him for about 23 years, I won that contest). Later, when I was at the CD store for my closing shift, the same customer came into the store... except he wasn't a customer. He is an employee of the company who was hired to complete the inventory for that store. Along with him, I am building a rapport with several other regular customers of both stores, so things seem to be going fairly well on the work front. If only I could win a small lottery jackpot or make some other windfall so that we could catch up and pay all of our outstanding bills, maybe enough to pay off our mortgage and get two working cars... at least I dream big. I guess I would have to buy lottery tickets and be extremely lucky, or know someone old and rich who likes me a lot for that to happen. Oh well.

Speaking of two working cars... our car (not my dad's car, which has problems of its own) is having electrical problems again. We had it repaired in August for the samed problem and now it is happening again. I took it back to the shop this morning and brought my receipt from August. It could be a fuse, a connection, or the alternator. At any rate, it is going to cost us more money that we don't have. Since I have to leave for work in a few hours, I hope the shop calls about the car soon. Even working both jobs, its been impossible to catch up, with extra expenses and problems that keep cropping up here and there.

"Sometimes a high wall is just a wall
Sometimes it's only there to make sure you feel small
Or maybe there to save you
From the depths of a much deeper fall."
- The Wallflowers, How Far You've Come

Last week, while working at the CD store, the co-worker I was working with was sick. He was congested, with a sore throat and flu-like symptoms. Guess what happened to me? I've been taking Airborne and loading up with vitamins for about a week and I feel like I'm about to beat it, but still it hangs on.

After my last post, several of you mentioned that I seem to be "in tune" with the spirit world. I have been known to show a bit of the psychic gift from time to time, so I do have something about me. I have also known two "practicing" psychics, who have said things to me about this. One, the mother of a friend I have known for almost 25 years, refused to read my cards when I was a teenager. She told me that I was a psychic magnet of sorts and even when she was reading cards for others, she refused to read mine. She never told me specifically why, she just told me that she wouldn't do it. She also told me that when I was around others who were "attuned" to the paranormal, strange events would be frequent. Many of my paranormal experiences have happened when her son, or another friend of ours, Tracy, was present. She considered both of them to be somewhat sensitive, though not as much as she considered me. The other, a friend of mine for a few years who moved away about 5 years ago, was a part-time "ghost hunter." She told me that, while many people have a spirit or two around them occasionally for one reason or another, that I had a veritable "spirit train." I never took too much stock in this, but she would often leave the door open for a bit after I entered the house because of it. I never quite understood it, but wrote it off to her quirky nature and accepted it. I have always had some strange friends. For what it's worth, I have definitely not exhausted my supply of paranormal stories, and actually have some of my best ones yet to tell.

"We are a psychic process which we do not control, or only partly direct." - Carl Jung

A few years ago, I had an experience similar to the one I wrote about in my last post. I was at my friend Cameron's house. At the time, we were both teachers in the same school district, but at different schools. I was sitting at his dining room table, looking towards the two guest bedrooms of his house, and he was sitting opposite me. There were a few other friends at the table, as we were playing D&D at the time. I looked at Cameron and saw a tall, thin woman, with short blond hair standing over his left shoulder, in the archway that leads to the two bedrooms. I recognized her immediately. I told Cameron that I wasn't sure what it meant, but that I was seeing the superintendent of schools for our county standing behind him, looking over his shoulder. She looked stern and unhappy. Not many weeks after this, Cameron was called into a meeting with our superintendent, and eventually lost his teaching job (that is a sordid story in itself, as he was not guilty of anything that I haven't seen happen in classrooms all over the county). Was my vision of the county superintendent supposed to be some warning or portent of the future? I suppose so. I've had similar experiences often enough to take them seriously.

"In America all too few blows are struck into flesh. We kill the spirit here, we are experts at that. We use psychic bullets and kill each other cell by cell." - Norman Mailer

Another person that I know is going through the same process of losing their career due to the vicious, vengeful nature of these "beach people" as we have come to call them. He and I have gone through many similar things. We both have ADD and have a lot of other things in common. I watched the television show House for the first time the other night, and he explained this syndrome the best I have ever heard it explained. He was treating an autistic child and one of the other characters on the show remarked on how different the child was from everyone else. House replied, "Spoken like a true circle queen." He then explained that most people who are reasonably affluent and raised with a sense of entitlement and a feeling of the importance of "fitting in" see someone who doesn't fit in, and they consider that person to be "outside of the circle." Residents of the circle feel a need to do whatever necessary to bring the non-circle person into the circle at any cost, breaking them down and doing whatever necessary to bring them to the expected, or "normal," modes of behavior. Failing that, those inside the circle do everything within their means to destroy the "non-circle" person, making an example of them and the cost of living outside the circle. I will conclude with the relevent quote from the show.

"Spoken like a true circle queen. See, skinny, socially privledged white people get to draw this neat little circle. And everyone inside the circle is "normal". Anyone outside the circle needs to be beaten, broken and reset so that they can be brought into the circle. Failing that, they should be institutionalized. Or even worse - Pitied." - Dr. House, House

"I feel like a stranger from another world, but at least I'm living again."

"I don't need a doctor
to figure it out
I know what's passing me by
when I look in the mirror
sometimes I see
traces of some other guy."
- Blue Rodeo, 'Til I Am Myself Again

After three days in a row of working double shifts, then a day of driving to Wilmington and back before I worked my closing shift, yesterday's single shift was a breeze. The good news is that there don't seem to be to many more, if any, double shifts in my immediate future.

I was correct about the CD store. I am still on the schedule for Sunday and Monday, my days off at the game store, but I don't seem to be on the schedule for the rest of the week. The manager told me all his other shifts were now covered. While it is not the best financially, it is the best in terms of getting life back to normal, whatever normal is.

I closed at the CD store last night with the manager, who was initially quiet towards me, but after he showed me that I wasn't on the schedule beyond Monday and I didn't react badly, he was extremely friendly towards me, perhaps even more friendly than normal. I think he was relieved that I didn't respond negatively to the reduction in hours, but I knew that working that many hours at both jobs was going to get old and tiresome quickly. I am wondering if he will even have me on the schedule beyond next week, but whatever happens is what happens. I just hope that the game store job continues to improve.

I work a closing shift today with my old friend Chad, the first time we will have worked together, or even spent this much time together in about 18 years. Hopefully it goes well. I am hoping he can cleanse his mind of his impressions of who he thinks I am (which, while we were out of touch was based mostly on updates from my parents, which do not always resemble reality) and learn who I really am. I sometimes feel like some of my old friends have me on a pedestal (since my parents tend to portray me that way, through the rosy haze of bragging, even about things they don't like about me, which may not even be accurate).

"It is not only old and early impressions that deceive us; the charms of novelty have the same power." - Blaise Pascal

When some of my closest friends from high school come to town to visit family and other friends, they often don't contact me. My guess is that they don't think I'm any fun. Now, I know this seems strange, but for years, especially while I was living out of the area, their only contact with me was often through my parents. When they came to town, they would call or visit my parents, who would tell them "all about my life." The first few years after I moved back to town, they would visit my parents and then visit me. Now they have mostly stopped visiting me. It's true that I don't normally frequent bars and don't drink very much in the way of alcoholic beverages, but I wouldn't mind going out on special occasions when a friend is in town, or even have a drink or two with them. I especially wouldn't mind the invitation. If they want to get totally disgustingly drunk, they're welcome to continue drinking after I excuse myself. It would just be nice to see and talk to them when they come to town. My parents see me as a "goody two shoes stick in the mud" because I don't drink very often, don't smoke at all, attend church fairly regularly, and try to live my life as respectably as possible. I feel certain that their portrayal of these attributes contributes to keeping my friends away when they visit, especially since they are still in close contact with some of my friends' parents (one is a neighbor of theirs).

"What we have to do is to be forever curiously testing new opinions and courting new impressions." - Walter H. Pater

As I said, I just hope I get the chance to define who I really am to Chad. It is annoying and frustrating when people form an impression of us that does not equal who we really are. They box us in and form expectations for our behavior based on inaccurate representations and attempt to deny us the chance to break free from those confining and inaccurate molds. I am the type of person who likes to not only break those molds, I like to shatter them completely and then rebuild the correct impressions.

"The world is for thousands a freak show; the images flicker past and vanish; the impressions remain flat and unconnected in the soul. Thus they are easily led by the opinions of others, are content to let their impressions be shuffled and rearranged and evaluated differently." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I got in touch with my friend Matt, who is moving to Gatlinburg on Tuesday morning. His girlfriend, which I guess could be properly considered his common-law wife by our state's standards, is leaving him to live with her father. They have had an extremely volatile relationship for the three years I've known Matt, so it is probably for the best, except that she is taking their son with her. Matt loves his son more than life itself, so he would never deny that she is the best one to properly take care of him, but he also can't stand to be away from him, so he is moving to Gatlinburg to be only a few hours away from his child, instead of a day's drive. I'm planning on going over to his house Sunday evening after work to help him pack. Matt is a good guy. I can't think of too many other people, if any, that I would rather have at my back if things got ugly. He would give his life for those he loves without any questions asked. I hope we can stay in touch somewhat after he leaves. He is a dyed in the wool West Virginia redneck, who also happens to be one of the smartest, most thoughtful people I know, though you would never know it from a casual conversation, from his southern twang to his conversations about his guns, his truck, and his infamous drunken exploits. He is an engineer who designs sewer treatment plants and other major public works projects. He will definitely be missed.

"May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand." - Irish Blessing

"You're in a world that's hard to just fit in..."

"But you don't have to be like them."
- Amber Pacific, Dear _____, This Has Always Been About Standing Up For What You Believe In

I have been "on the job" at my new job for four days. It is a different world indeed than the CD store. The rhythms and tasks are completely different, yet similar in ways that make it difficult to keep the processes separate. I'm sure my co-workers, especially the ones that have been assigned to train me, are sick of hearing me say how we did the same, or similar, tasks at that store when they show me the way they do it at this store. I know that it has to be annoying, but it helps me get it straight in my mind to compare the two ways of doing things like closing paperwork, counting drawers, selling the membership card, etc.

Yesterday, though there were long stretches of boring down time, I started to adjust to the rhythms of the job. I worked a shorter shift due to my weekly appointments in Wilmington (didn't have time there for photos or sightseeing this week, since this store is a bit more of a drive to get to work than the CD store, which is about 30 minutes closer to Wilmington), but it was still 6 hours. I found out shortly after I arrived that I would be assigned all closing duties while the employee who is training me was assigned to watch and play the role of "dumb associate" as much as possible, unless I really got stuck.

This employee is a key holder at the store and has been there since it opened. She is not in management, but is extremely reliable and knowledgeable. She would like to manage her own store someday, but is still a college student and her sales percentages (of title reserves - pre-selling a game that will be released soon; and membership subscriptions - monthly game magazine plus discount card) have kept her out of the management ranks. She has been a great trainer and I sensed some resentment that her hours have been reduced both because of her new semester of college starting and because of my arrival. As soon as the chief assistant manager walked away, shortly after my shift started, I told her that I was sorry for taking her hours and that I thought she was an awesome worker. I meant it. She has been very helpful. She was caught off guard by that, but I think it helped her to see me in a different light. I really didn't intend to take anybody else's hours or position away from them, and she needed to hear that from me.

"Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful." - Mark Victor Hansen

By the end of the day, she was celebrating my small victories with "high fives" and calculating my percentages of reservations and subscriptions every time I made one. Today, my fourth day, was the first time I had gotten either. They don't count towards employee ratings for the first week, but they do look good to the district manager if an employee with little retail experience, such as me, can make a passing grade during the first week. I got my first reservation with an assist from the chief assistant manager. She wanted to show me how to complete the transaction in the computer, so she helped me sell one. Then I sold a subscription a short time later. Then, throughout the day, I sold 4 more reservations (they really area good deal - $5 down payment on a game that is soon to be released - the money goes towards the price of the game, and the number we receive is based on the number of reservations, so if they don't reserve it, we may not get it in stock), leaving me with an "A" grade and causing a bit of celebration. When I closed the store, I didn't have any problems with the tasks involved, having assisted with closing many times at the CD store, and although I don't like math at all, I can do much of it in my head, thinking to the next calculation while the adding machine is processing the current task. My trainer was astounded at my mental math, checking it behind me (though I did only the final calculations this way, using the calculator to do everything else, and checking it against the machine to make sure it was correct) as I went. I am a person who calculates running baseball statistics in my head every time I watch a game. I am that guy in the stands with the scorecard figuring batting averages, earned run average, slugging percentages, etc. This, along with statistical calculations for the pencil and paper role-playing games I play, has greatly helped develop my mathematical skills. She was shocked when everything came out accurate to the penny. She told me she has never been able to get the closing counts accurate to the penny. I told her that it wasn't her fault that she had people who couldn't make accurate change working registers for her when she closed. We had a good staff yesterday, so it made everything easy. A week from today is my true test. I have to open the store alone. Not just by myself with someone watching, but completely alone. I should be fine.

Over at the CD store, my manager forgot what time I was supposed to come in on Wednesday night. He wrote it on my copy of the schedule, but not on his, so the assistant manager on duty called me about 3 hours before I was supposed to arrive, wondering where I was. He had been working alone, unable to take a break, for two hours already. As soon as I clocked out at the game store, I drove straight to the CD store as quickly as I could get there and allowed him to take a break. There was some resentment towards me for not being there when I was (incorrectly) expected to be there, on the part of the manager and the assistant manager (who, in my opinion, should not be in a management position - he is a 19 year old, fresh out of high school, who did not have good grades, does not have any people skills, and has become increasingly abrasive since he was given a management position about three weeks ago). Essentially, due to my greatly reduced hours and an employee they terminated last Saturday, they are extremely shorthanded. The store is in this situation because the manager forgot that he told me he was cutting my hours, forgot that I told him I had secured another job because he was cutting my hours, and forgot what time I was coming in that night. Now, I am being held accountable for the mistakes of management.

"Progress is a nice word. But change is its motivator. And change has its enemies." - Robert F. Kennedy

The manager had promised me quick training and promotion to management during my interview and when I was hired. Those promises turned out to be false. I like the manager and my co-workers at that store. I like the job. However, I should not be held accountable for the management not having a firm grasp of the details of the job. If you have problems remembering things, then as a manager, you should be aware that you need to write them down. You should not, as a manager, promise a prospective employee as position you do not intend to give them just to get them to take the job. I told him when he hired me that my first priority was to pay my bills. If I couldn't meet my mortgage and other expenses with the salary and hours he would give me, then I would have to continue searching for another position. I told him in my interview that the game store was considering hiring me for a management position as soon as one became available. As soon as he told me he was cutting my hours, I told him that the game store had offered me a management position and that if he was cutting my hours I was accepting it the next day. He told me that was all the notice I needed to give him to accept the other position and that he would appreciate it if I would continue to work an occasional shift so that he could keep me on payroll in case our situations changed. Then, he terminated an employee and increased my hours on the next schedule, after I had already accepted the new position, which I had already informed him I was going to do. Now he is resentful because his store is understaffed and I can't work whenever he needs me anymore.

"All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income." - Samuel Butler

I also told him that I would bring him my schedule on Wednesday and he could use it to make his schedule, which he always made on Fridays. Wednesday night, when I brought in my schedule, he already had his schedule completed, with me being scheduled for shifts that there is no way I can work, because I am scheduled at the other store. Being a key holder and management trainee at the game store, I have to make their schedule take precedence. So, I sense that my hours at the CD store will be greatly decreased in the near future. That is fine with me, since I can't continue to work double shifts every day and have no days off to attend to life. Unfortunately, when he checked the hiring system on the computer (all applications at the CD store are handled online), there were no applicants for his store in the system at all. We shall see how this all plays out.

I have continued to have encounters with the ghosts of my previous life.

After my caller ID incident of last week, I had another, similar incident at the CD store (the game store doesn't have caller ID). On Wednesday night, when Joey (the ASM on-duty) was taking his much needed break, immediately after I arrived, the phone rang. I grabbed the cordless handset and, as I normally do, read the caller ID screen as I reached for the "talk" key. The name and number on the screen was that of my principal from my recently ended teaching job. Being committed to answering already, and trying to conquer the demons of my past, I pressed TALK and answered the phone. To my great relief, it was his daughter, the one which he compared me to in one of the meetings in which he chastised me before I resigned. She told me she would be coming into the store to pick up a CD in a few minutes. Since she didn't remember me, I had a little fun with her when she came in, just generally having a good time and cutting up with her while she was in the store. Being ultra-nice was my small revenge. I have a tendency of killing with kindness when most people would do otherwise. She really is a nice person, who has had difficulties getting her life together, perhaps the result of an absent father who is dedicated to taking care of other people's children more than his own.

The second incident involved my final customers at the game store last night. I knew that sooner of later some of my former students would come into the store. Last night, with ten minutes remaining on the clock, it happened. The two former students, Nick and Chris, didn't know that I was working there. They had been in touch with me some since I resigned. I have previously written of how much Nick's support meant to me in the days immediately following my resignation. These two students are the brass and woodwind captains, and they have always been inseparable. I was very close to them when I was their teacher, and they were very surprised and happy to see me last night. We had a good conversation, and I even sold a Halo 3 reservation to Nick. It was a positive encounter, but now the other students will know I am there. Word will spread to other students and then parents. Once again, we shall see how this plays out.

The third incident, which was actually the second incident chronologically, once again occurred at the CD store (interesting that I was frightened of these things happening at the game store, but so far, 3 of 4 have occurred at the CD store). I received a text from my former color guard instructor informing me only that "someone died." My heart sunk. I excused myself from the register and went into the back room to find out what happened. I turns out that the mother of 2 of my former students died after an extremely brief battle with pancreatic cancer (the same cancer that claimed the life of Luciano Pavarotti a few days ago). Not only was she the mother of these two students, she was also the aunt of a student that became almost like my son.

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." - Mahatma Ghandi

This young man, called Daus (because his last name was close to Haagen-Dazs of ice cream fame and the band always loved to give nicknames to promote camaraderie) did not have a father at home. I quickly took him under my wing. He was a very mature student who was always insanely strong and fearless, though he was really a teddy bear underneath that exterior. After his graduation, I introduced him to my friends, as he also played role-playing games, and the entire group adopted him. When I moved about four years ago, to be closer to my job, church, and parents, the two guys who were supposed to help me move didn't show up, but Daus showed up and brought a friend and his friend's father, an ex-marine, to help me move. Daus is still a legend in the band room for his strength, determination, and kindness. When he helped me move, he carried heavy furniture on his back, while running. He always ran from place to place because he didn't want to waste his life walking. He and his girlfriend saw my wife and I as role-models, and occasionally came to the house for ice cream and conversation.

"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - A.A. Milne

After graduation, he tried the local technical college and an apprenticeship at the rescue squad, but he wanted more immediate gratification. Daus wanted to help others more than anything. He wanted to be a paramedic and rescue people from situations that others would run away from. So, he joined the army and entered medic training. He was soon accepted to airborne training and joined the 82nd Airborne. He is currently serving as an airborne medic in the Middle East, based in Saudi Arabia or Kuwait, but making forays into the worst parts of Iraq. He is living his dream of rescuing people in situations that would make most men run in terror.

The band parent who died Wednesday was his mother's sister. The family has always been very close. Her daughter was participating in a semester abroad in their home country of Italy when her mother died, and Daus is in the Middle East on active duty. I feel bad for the family, and they are definitely in my prayers.

A friend of mine called the other night and got the answering machine. He said that he was going to be moving on Monday and wanted to get together over the weekend. It will be difficult with my work shifts right now, but I really want to see him before he leaves. My friendships really suffered from the stress and hours of my band directing job, so I have not been in as close contact with my closest friends as I would have liked. Matt is a great guy who has had my wife and I over for Thanksgiving dinner, since he has no family in the area. I will miss him even though I haven't seen him in months. The fact that I won't be able to choose to see him will be difficult. I am going to call him today and see if we can set something up for this weekend.

Finally, did anyone catch the season finale of Rescue Me? I am wondering if there will be a fifth season with all of the resolution that was given during that episode. Wow! As Seiche has said, it is the best show on television, no exceptions!

By the way, I have not forgotten about the "80's Blog." I am still looking for one more writer. Come on, I know that there are more of us "children of the 80's" out there.

Also, I haven't given up on replying to everyone's comments. I will catch up on that as soon as I get a chance and have a few waking hours that I'm not working. I look forward to reading everyone's blogs and commenting again as soon as possible too.

"Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb." - Winston Churchill

"Some things I may have taken for granted again and again..."

(title quote: The Academy Is..., The Phrase That Pays)

"There is a certain relief in change, even though it be from bad to worse! As I have often found in travelling in a stagecoach, that it is often a comfort to shift one's position, and be bruised in a new place." - Washington Irving

Yesterday was the first day at my new job. I haven't started the writing yet, because I wanted to get the transition into this new retail job settled a bit before I added another challenge, but I'm starting to settle in, so maybe by the end of the week, I will be ready for that.

First, I must say that the corporate climate at my new job is drastically different than that at my music store job. I have learned that my dear friend from high school really hasn't changed much over the past 20 years. There is much more of a pecking order at this new job than at the old one. Since I am a management trainee, I immediately jumped a few stations in that seemingly rigid "caste system." At the music store, the manager does just as many menial tasks as the newest part-time associate. At the game store, management is rarely expected to do such things as vacuum, dust, or straighten merchandise on shelves. I am being trained by an assistant manager and a 3rd key candidate. The ASM shows me how to do a lot of management tasks, and the 3rd key candidate helps me learn how to handle dealing with employees like her, who will be under my leadership. It's not nearly as exciting as the music store, but can be fun at times and the pay is better. The maturity level, even among the adult employees, is significantly lower than at the music store. I am going to withhold judgement for a while until I learn the job better, but so far a comparison between the two jobs is not like apples and oranges. It's more like apples and pork chops. I'm keeping an open mind. I will be writing more about it as I gain more experience.

"If you would attain to what you are not yet, you must always be displeased by what you are. For where you are pleased with yourself there you have remained. Keep adding, keep walking, keep advancing." - St. Augustine

Other than having sore legs, I don't feel any more tired or stressed after working double shifts for the past two days than I did previously. Once again, we'll see how I'm doing at the end of the week. So far, I have come to the conclusion that my old job condition me to long hours and high stress to the point that I'm actually getting better at problem solving and making sales as I'm more tired. I'm a night person anyway, and I think I've been getting more sleep since I started the double shifts because I am consciously taking care to avoid burning myself out. I just want to make sure I have a good handle on the new job and feel that I am going to stay with it before I burn any bridges with the music store job, since I currently like that job better. It just doesn't provide enough income to pay the bills right now, even if the writing job starts paying what I expect it to at first.

I really haven't had the time to promote this blog as well or as much as I was before, so the number of visitors I've been getting each day has greatly declined since I had my crisis a few weeks ago. My visits have dropped to about a third of what I was getting per day before. I'm going to be renewing my effort to write every day, comment, and reply to comments, but I'm not sure what else to do in the time I have available to get my number of visitors back up. Suggestions are welcome!

Today was my wife's turn to be involved in a car accident. She was stopped at a traffic light when a SC Department of Transportation truck slammed into the back of our car (now both of our cars are damaged). She called me for advice, herself inclined to not call police, but I advised her that if there was damage to the car, she needed to call it in. She said she felt fine physically, but is now quite sore from the impact. It was hard enough to leave her with a huge welt from the seat belt and cause her head to impact the steering wheel. The rear bumper of our car is damaged, but is likely not even enough damage to meet our deductible. Her neck is now sore from the incident, but we are also currently between health insurers, so she declined being examined by the EMT and has so far decided not to get checked fro injuries. I have warned her about the dangers of pinched nerves and other injuries, but she doesn't want to cause any more negative impact to our already fragile financial state. It is just impossible to get ahead.

"Every possession and every happiness is but lent by chance for an uncertain time, and may therefore be demanded back the next hour. " - Arthur Schopenhauer

The other day, I went to the bank to make a deposit. The teller had to bring a bank manager over during the transaction, who asked me if I was aware of the current balance of my account. I informed her that I was indeed making a deposit and was well aware of the balance. She still felt the need to say in a conspiratorial tone, "Well, I just want you to see how low it is." Then she wrote my balance on a sheet of paper and showed it to me. The next day, I received a call at home from the bank. The teller informed me that she had given me fifty cents too much change in the cash I received along with my deposit and that I was to bring that change back to the bank immediately. I was working during bank hours that day and the next. Then it was the weekend. She called again the next day asking where her fifty cents was. On Monday, my wife made another deposit, only to be chewed out by the teller for not bringing the fifty cents to the bank sooner. She paid the fifty cents, but we are both pretty upset about our treatment by these bank employees. We feel that if our account had a much more significant balance, we would not have been bothered so much for the fifty cents. That just doesn't make sense to me. I'll bring the fifty cents on my convenience, not theirs. After all, it was their mistake, not mine. I'm still not sure that I actually received fifty cents too much change and would love to know how they decided that I was the one who had received the extra change. It just makes me want to move my account after both my wife and I were treated like children for this. I know ti would have no impact on the bank if we moved our account, and that if our account was important enough to matter to them, we would not have been treated that way.

"Arrogance and rudeness are training wheels on the bicycle of life -- for weak people who cannot keep their balance without them." - Laura Teresa Marquez

Finally, I know that for myself and my fellow Americans, today was an important day in the history of our country. September 11th, 2001 changed the nation irrevocably. That day changed us collectively and individually. It changed the way we view our government, and it changed our government. It changed the way we view our fellow man, altered our level of trust for people of different nationalities than our own, and our response to that day changed the way the rest of the world views us. The brick that is 9/11 has been mortared into place in our nation's construction. It cannot be removed from the edifice that we have become. It is right there. If you look around, you can spot other bricks that have been permanently secured into place, such as Pearl Harbor, the assassinations of JFK, RFK and MLK, and even July 4, 1776, which is our nation's cornerstone.

"History with its flickering lamp stumbles along the trail of the past, trying to reconstruct its scenes, to revive its echoes, and kindle with pale gleams the passion of former days." - Winston Churchill

No matter what opinion you have of the events of that day, and our nation's reactions to those events, it is undeniably one of the dates that everyone who was living at the time will always remember where they were and what they were doing at the time. At age 37, I have a few days like that behind me. For example:

I remember exactly where I was when I heard the radio announcer proclaim that Elvis Presley had been found dead at his home. We were on our way to eat dinner at The Barrier Reef in Sussex County, New Jersey.

I remember where I was when I found out that John Lennon had been killed. I was eating breakfast, preparing to leave for school, when I again heard the news on the family radio.

"Hard times, baby well they come to us all
Sure as the tickin' of the clock on the wall
Sure as the turnin' of the night into day."
- Bruce Springsteen, Waitin' On A Sunny Day

Finally, on September 11, 2001 I was sitting at my desk in my office at the school where I was teaching, the one I just left a few months ago, when my father called. He was at his job as a golf pro... okay, not a real golf pro, he works at a miniature golf course, with the television on when the show he was watching was interrupted with the breaking news that a small plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. He called me immediately to share the news. I couldn't turn the television in the classroom on right away, but did turn it on in time to see the second plane hit. The only people with me were my wife and one of my students, who had late arrival but always came to school at the normal time to hang out in the band room, work on homework, and talk to me about life. That was actually a common thing for students with late arrival. They came to the band room because it was often a better place to be than home. We kept the television on for the rest of the day, as did pretty much every other teacher in the building. We helped the students to process the information the best we could before we turned them loose into the world, many of them to homes where they would have no other people to talk to or help them deal with the emotions and fears they were feeling.

“There is a history in all men's lives." - William Shakespeare

I cancelled marching band practice that day, but we played football on Friday night. It was an away game and security was tight. It actually started raining early in the game, and we quickly abandoned the bleachers and boarded the buses for home. Many events around the nation were cancelled, but South Carolina high schools played football. Not too long after, we had our annual Saturday All-Day Band Practice. A lot of information and misinformation was still being reported at that time, and the students heard the news during our lunch break that we would be going to war. Many of them were nearing selective service age, or had siblings and friends who were, so they were struggling with the conflicting emotions of considering military service, or worrying about the possible reinstatement of the military draft. There were a lot of emotions rampant that day. Our traditional performance at the end of the day (we rehearsed from 8 a.m. until 5:00 p.m. and then gave a final performance for all parents and other invited guests in the stadium at the conclusion of the day) was awesome and the students bonded that day. There were a lot of tears, and circles of students joining hands for spontaneous prayer. I endured a great deal of criticism for allowing students to pray together in the end zone after practice, as well as for allowing my student leaders (mostly seniors, some considering military service) to mention these topics and events in their addresses to the other students just prior to our final performance of the day. As far as I was concerned, if it was the predominant topic on their minds, it needed to be shared and worked through while they were still all together and had each other to rely on for support.

Think what you want of the event, or of our reactions to it, it is still the anniversary of something incredibly significant in the history of the world. Everyone who lived through that day will have distinct memories of not only that day, but of the weeks that followed.

“I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now." - Sophia Loren

"Go work in retail and spare the suspense."

(title quote: The Academy Is..., Black Mamba)

Wake up think fast, three weeks have passed. We are changing. No sleep, no gas, no excuses will pass these lips because were shapin' up to be all you wish you could have been to write the hits and to turn their heads and to open eyes (open your eyes) to a brand new season, a brand new season.
- The Academy Is..., Season

I guess it's pretty easy to tell what I was listening to on my ipod on the way home from work today. The Academy Is... is a Chicago band who recently gained a lot of attention with their second major label release, Santi. I prefer their older stuff without question and don't even own Santi, so I was listening to what I consider their best CD, Almost Here. It's a great CD and I highly recommend that you at least give their itunes clips from this CD a listen.

Back from commercial...

"Yesterday is calling you,
Won't let you get away..."
- William Tell, Yesterday Is Calling

Yesterday, I had a rather interesting and, for me, quite troubling experience. I think that at some point, we have all known someone, or several people, who cause strong negative feelings within us whenever we see them or hear their voice. If you've ever had caller ID, you have probably experienced those visceral reactions whenever you've seen their name appear on that tiny little screen. With my former job, I have had many such people in my life.

I've stated before, and I'll reiterate, that people in the Myrtle Beach area seem to have an entitlement mentality. They think that others exist to clean up after them, solve their problems, and do their bidding. Once again, this attitude was rampant among my band parents.

Over the past eight years, there have been several names whose sudden appearance on my caller ID or cell phone display while the phone was ringing caused a strong negative reaction within me. This reaction was sometimes purely mental, but sometimes had physical manifestations. I would often make excuses to not answer the phone because it was easier to find out what they wanted and investigate what it would take to resolve the situation than it was to speak to them without warning. They were judgemental, demanding people who seemed to think that their problems and wants were the only ones I had to deal with. They knew no boundaries and would call at any time, often multiple times each day for many days in a row, with things that had to be taken care of immediately. Often these were mundane, low-priority tasks, upon which they placed an inflated sense of importance and urgency. I don't know what causes this mentality exactly, but it was one of the things I hated most about the people I dealt with in that job.

My manager at the CD store mentioned today that out of all the retail stores he's ever worked in or managed, this store has the worst record of customers being inconsiderate. They think nothing of picking up stacks of CD's or DVD's or games and taking them to a listening/viewing station, then depositing all of them in a huge pile somewhere out of the way, making no attempt to return them to any semblance of order. When these people leave the store, there is merchandise scattered everywhere. They seem like extremely nice people. They just think that the people who work in service related industries exist solely to take care of them. I know it is part of my job to clean up the store and take care of customers, but these people would never, I think, leave their own belongings in this condition.

“For the majority of us, the past is a regret, the future an experiment." - Mark Twain

Yesterday, I was reminded of one of those names in a forceful manner. Though I have not been diagnosed with it yet, I am fairly sure that I am suffering from some post traumatic stress from the deaths of my former students, including the suicide, and other stressors that occurred in such close chronological proximity over the past few years. Yesterday was one of a few times since I left my last job that I have approached having what I would consider to be a panic attack. My manager left the store for his dinner break, leaving me alone in the store. A few minutes after he left, I was finishing taking checking out merchandise for a customer, when the phone rang. Reflexively, I grabbed the cordless unit and glanced at the caller ID as I reached for the "TALK" key. I froze in panic when I recognized the name on the device. It was a name that has haunted me in the past. It was the name of a former band booster club president who used to call me every day, multiple times a day, just to check up on me, remind me of what tasks I had to accomplish at work and what needed to be done, find out how I was doing, and generally overstep his boundaries.

“The past is not dead. In fact, it's not even past." - William Faulkner

What could I do? I had to answer the phone, and my reflexes were already causing me to press the "TALK" key and hold the phone up. I answered the phone as I was trained to do, with one exception. I did not identify myself by name. I also changed my speech patterns and vocal timbre slightly, while not exactly talking in a strange voice. I let a little more of the "New Jersey" slip into my speech than normally occurs and spoke a little more rapidly than normal. The voice on the other end of the line belonged not to the man whose name appeared on the caller ID, but instead, to his son. I taught his son my first year at that school. He was a great student and my teacher's assistant and percussion captain. He served as a percussion instructor for me for a year after he graduated. I didn't identify myself, or acknowledge my identity. Indeed, I left my voice in its "disguised" state for the remainder of the short conversation. He was shopping for a game for his Nintendo DS. We didn't have it in stock. End of story. Yet, I was still shaken by that name on the caller ID screen in my new life. I imagine that once I move into the area's main mall while in management training for the new game store job, there will be more encounters of this type. I'm going to have to condition myself to handle them better than that.

“I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past." - Thomas Jefferson

By the way, don't think that changing one's voice is such an unnatural thing. I believe we all do it. Think about the changes in vocal attributes we make when talking to a child, a pet, someone who does not speak our language fluently, an older relative, our spouse, a doctor, one of "the guys" or any number of others. We make subtle changes to our speech patterns, vocal timbre, cadences and tone for almost every situation in which we find ourselves. When speaking to predominantly Southerners, I find myself lapsing into a bit of a drawl, speaking more slowly, and using words like, "y'all." When I speak to my family from New Jersey on the phone, I lapse into a more Northern vocal persona, with my pronunciations showing some of the New Jersey accent from my younger days, with words more suited to the conversation. Try to be aware on your next dozen or so conversations if you are tailoring your speaking to your audience. I bet you are.

Yesterday was supposed to have been the final day of employment for one of my co-workers at the music store. She had been employed there for over five years, and her commendations still hung on the wall of the back hallway and manager's office. Yet, it was obvious that she had become disgruntled, and that her heart was no longer in the job. She made careless errors, took shortcuts, and discouraged good work habits. She spent hours on the phone during her shifts, and even retreated to a corner of the store with her boyfriend occasionally. She was bitter and anti-establishment. Her employment predated the tenure of the new manager, and she was an interim manager while they replaced the previous manager. She resented that things were not done "the way they were always done before." She resented this new person telling her what to do. She finally reached an agreement with the manager to terminate her employment in a tense, but amicable state. Saturday, she failed to show up for her final shift. The manager was planning on allowing her to continue her employment after he was reminded that I would only be working the occasional shift after today, but her failure to arrive for work rendered that arrangement unworkable. He finished her "no re-hire" paperwork within the hour, and forwarded it to the corporate office via email.

Today, the manager, desperate to cover his shifts without hiring someone quickly and carelessly, asked me if I would work more shifts for him than I was planning in the coming weeks. I agreed, but will only do it until he finds a reliable part-time employee. I don't want to work two jobs every day for more than two weeks. I gave him notice that I was leaving, but he forgot and scheduled me anyway. I think he thought that if my co-worker was encouraged to resign and he gave me more hours, that I would renege on the other job and stay with him. Alas, I cannot do that. I don't want to ruin my reputation with the other company, my chance for higher pay, more hours and a management position, or my friend Chad's reputation, since he put that on the line to get me the position. So, tomorrow, I begin my new job, then drive to my old job and close the store. I will be working about twelve hours. I've done it for the past 8+, maybe 14 years, and it will greatly enhance our currently bleak financial situation, so it's no big deal, but I'm not going to do it for long. I need to focus on myself and my life, relationships and writing at this point. If I do it for longer than two weeks (on a daily or almost daily basis - I plan to continue working the odd shift here and there for him if he allows), somebody please come down her and slap me.

I must get some sleep soon, since I am working such long hours tomorrow, and training at an entirely new job, but I am going to relate one short, but spooky story first.

"...the beginning of the war between man and machines." - John Conner, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

Once, when I was about 16, I was playing D&D with some friends in my room, which was originally my brother's room, but which I inherited when he was checked into the hospital on a more permanent basis. I had only recently gotten a VCR in my room. My parents had it for a short time, but never really learned how to use it, so when my brother left, they moved it into my room. We were gaming that night, when I noticed my friend Tracy (yes, he was present to witness the boy that disappeared from his neighbor's driveway that night from my previous story) staring off to my right and behind me with a frightened look on my face. He backed up slightly, as much as sitting on the floor of that small room would allow, and we followed his gaze. In addition to myself, his brother Phillip, our friends Charlie and Chris, were in the room with us.

We followed his frightened gaze to my VCR. The luminescent blue counter on the front of the machine had begun to count forward rapidly... much faster than if it was fast-forwarding a tape, and without any sound. We all backed up, a bit spooked, and the counter stopped. Phillip poked a pencil gingerly into the tape door to see if there was a tape in there, but there was not. I reset the counter to zero and we continued our game. Within a few minutes, the machine began counting again. This time Tracy pointed. Either Phillip or myself then reached for the power strip and pulled the plug on the VCR. The display on the front of the machine went dark and the counting obviously stopped.

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." - Arthur C. Clarke

This would have been a spooky occurrence, except that what happened next was astonishing. Before long, Tracy uttered a strangled, "Uhh... guys..." and we turned to see the counter on the machine brightly lit and this time counting down... backwards... as if rewinding a tape. The clock was no longer lit. The DIGITAL counter on the machine was the only thing operating. We all hurriedly left the room, ending our gaming session for that day. I kept the VCR for a while after that, and it never behaved that way after that night. The only other strange occurrence with it was when it started eating tapes not long after that. After using head cleaners to no result, I thought about tossing it, but didn't have money for a new VCR (they were still pretty expensive in the mid-80's), so I opened the case (I earned extra money in high school fixing and installing electronics like VCR's, portable and car stereos and even LORAN fish finders... when I bought my first CD player, my stereo didn't have auxiliary input jacks, so I bought the necessary components from Radio Shack and installed them myself... nobody ever taught me those skills and I don't know how to do what I do, but when I open up the appliance, I find that my hands just seem to know what to do) and found a thick greyish-brownish goop on the silver drum inside the machine. There was probably enough of it to fill a bottle cap. I cleaned it off and the machine served me for probably another year or so.

I hope that short spooky story holds everyone over until I get to write something longer.

"I should feel safe, but I don't, so I live off the grid - no phone, no address, no one and nothing can find me. I've erased all connections to the past, but as hard as I try I can't erase my dreams, my nightmares." - John Conner, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

"If there's something strange in your neighborhood, who ya gonna call?"

(title quote: Ray Parker, Jr., Ghostbusters)

"Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?"
- Janine Melnitz, Ghostbusters

The other day, while doing some research about things to do in Wilmington, I came across the website of one of my favorite television shows. Now, just because it's one of my favorites does NOT mean that I watch or have seen every episode. Saying that it's "one of my favorites" basically means that if I happen to be watching television, which I actually rarely do, and I stumble upon an episode of the show being aired at that moment, or in the next time slot, I will stop scanning and remain on that channel to watch it. Right now, my favorite television shows that are either still in production or have "reruns" in syndication include Rescue Me, The Bronx Is Burning, Damages, and The Wonder Years. I have not seen every episode of this season for the three of them that are currently in production (The Bronx Is Burning just wrapped its summer season and I did catch that finale). In fact, I have only seen one episode of Damages in its entirety, but plan to catch up through reruns or YouTube.

There are many other television shows I enjoy watching, mostly on cable networks such as Discovery Health, The History Channel, A&E, The Sci-Fi Channel, and other high number cable stations. The show whose website came up in a Google search for Wilmington is one of those.

"Your theories are the worst kind of popular tripe, your methods are sloppy, and your conclusions are highly questionable." - Dean Yeager, Ghostbusters

Apparently, one of the episodes of the Sci-Fi Channel's show, Ghost Hunters, was shot in North Carolina, with one of the episode's two segments taking place in Wilmington. I know this show has taken a lot of criticism, especially after last season's controversial finale, but I love it and I always watch this show when I discover that there is an episode currently showing. I hadn't seen this particular episode, so I surfed over to YouTube and watched the Wilmington segment, which was the majority of the episode, since the episode's first investigation was cut short due to illnesses suffered by several of the cast/crew members.

The episode in question is from the show's 2nd season (there have been 3 seasons so far). The show goes to the battleship, U.S.S. North Carolina, which is a major tourist attraction in Wilmington, to investigate the alleged hauntings that have taken place on board the ship. I mentioned and included a photograph of the battleship in my post about the city last week, and will post more photos of the city and battleship tomorrow.

Upon watching this episode, my A.D.D. addled brain starting thinking more about paranormal happenings and the collection of stories Nick of Anything Goes! and I have been sharing with our readers. As most of my faithful readers know, I am a believer in the paranormal and have had many experiences with unexplained phenomena. I've shared a few of my stories so far, and will be sharing more in the very near future (next round will be in the next three days or so).

"As a friend, I have to tell ya you've finally gone around the bend on this ghost business." - Dr. Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters

Watching this episode and exploring the Ghost Hunters site, led me to "go around the bend" and try to find a T.A.P.S. affiliated group in the local area. T.A.P.S. stands for The Atlantic Paranormal Society, of which the Ghost Hunters investigators are a chapter. While there are no groups with such an affiliation in my area of South Carolina, there is an extremely active group in North Carolina called Haunted North Carolina. They were actually the group that brought Ghost Hunters to Wilmington, and assisted in the investigation of the U.S.S. North Carolina. This group has some amazing cases documented on their website, including some excellent photographs and some EVP's that will send shivers down your spine. To find those, check out their site and click on the "Investigations and Legends" button on the left side of the page. The best photo is in the "Haunted Cemetery" and the best EVP's are from the "Abandoned Farm."

"Is there anybody that would like to play with us tonight? That sounded all kinds of wrong." - Brian, Ghost Hunters

This led me to looking for other groups in the area that deal with paranormal investigations. I found several local sites, with the best of them being Carolina Paranormal Research, based in Myrtle Beach. I would love to get involved in some of this research as a hobby. Sounds like fun!

"Inside you
The time moves
And she don't fade
The ghost in you
She don't fade."
- The Psychedelic Furs, The Ghost In You

I have a few pieces of personal news that I would like to share. I should be starting the new game store job at the beginning of the week, so keep me in your thoughts as I begin that endeavor. We have just about reached the end of our monetary rope, and are in desperate need of these fresh opportunities for more income. The higher wage of this job should help, and I will probably continue working a few shifts at the CD store to supplement that income. If work gets in the way of life again, I will not hesitate to cut that back though, even if we have to sell our house, or cash in my retirement.

Also, in the category of employment opportunities, I actually spoke to the people with the writing position today via teleconference call. The writing is simple and aimed at sales, but it IS writing, and it WILL supplement my income. I have signed on to write some web content and articles and have been told that as I become more acquainted with the business and the company that there will be some management opportunities available in the future, possibly this winter. Right now, it will provide a few hundred dollars a month of much needed income spending about an hour a day doing what I love to do... writing. I should be starting this next week as well.

"Give me short skirts, give me roller skates, give me Xanadu. I'm a happy man." - Michael Ian Black, I Love the 80's

Finally, the post that I ended with the list of 80's songs and movies inspired Ingrid to post a list of her favorite 80's songs, complete with videos, as well as several additional posts. We children of the 80's ARE the MTV generation (back when MTV actually showed music videos). This fueled interest in starting an 80's blog. The concept is to review 80's albums and music, share stories of growing up in the 80's, talk about 80's fashion and celebrities (possibly with some "Where are they now?" angles), link to videos of 80's songs, discuss 80's tv shows, and generally celebrate the 80's, both the good AND bad of what it was like to come of age during that decade. I believe I have Ingrid, Zirelda, and myself on board as writers so far, but would love to add another writer or three, so if you grew up in the 80's and are interested in writing for this blog, let me know!

By the way, Ingrid has also tagged me for an extremely interesting and creative meme. I will try to write it this weekend.

"You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this, the last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done."
- Ronald Reagan

"New eyes to recognize what you've become..."

"All things are new again
Within and without
Sooner or later the ending begins
Just then it can be said that all things are new again
Within and without
Sooner or later every season ends
Then forever it can be said that all things are new again."
- The Wallflowers, All Things New Again

Another ending, another new beginning...

I went to the game store today to fill out the paperwork for my new job. My friend of almost 25 years, Chad, had some awkward moments as my "supervisor" today. I've always been the unspoken "leader" of my friends. I've always been the most outgoing, outspoken member of all of the groups of friends I've been a part of. I've always been the one that made the decisions, the one people came to for advice. Believe it or not, I don't mind relinquishing that role for awhile. I don't find it awkward to have him as my "boss" at all. I'm excited to reconnect with an old friend. We've never lost touch, but we have drifted apart over the years.

"Certain flaws are necessary for the whole. It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain quirks." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

After high school, Chad enlisted in the United States Marine Corps. He knew that college wasn't something he could handle right away, and he also knew that he needed to get out of this trap of a tourist town. Timing is everything. Chad found himself in the middle of Operation Desert Storm. He served in the First Gulf War, a proud Marine and a hometown hero. It's always been difficult to picture a nerdy little computer geek like Chad as a Marine, but there's actually a photo of him that became somewhat well-known at the time. I remembering seeing it on a mug in a gift shop in a mall over a hundred miles from home. It brought back a piece of the past.

"Of what shall a man be proud, if he is not proud of his friends?" - Robert Louis Stevenson

After the war, Chad's dream was to become a writer. He enrolled at the local college and began taking courses in journalism. He wrote some fairly successful pieces, mostly op-ed, but before long, reality stepped in. He got married, had children, and had to support his family. He worked as a real estate agent, while working at the game store part-time. Eventually, he found himself in the right place at the right time and was given a chance to become a manager for the company. He has been there ever since, computer geek and Marine, right at home selling video games. Now, as he said to me when we entered the back room at his store...

"Come on, be one of us." - David, The Lost Boys

I responded with the correct next line and we sat down in his office and completed the paperwork. He was still overwhelmed to be training me. "Band director" was part of my identity for him, as it was for many people. Now as players in life's great drama, we take on new roles. He now becomes retail management "teacher" and I will be the "student" who will try to absorb as much as I can of what he can teach me. He will be one of three managers I will be learning from, but his store will be my "base store" (which doesn't mean too much, except that he will give me my schedule each week, take care of my paperwork, and serve as my liaison with the district manager) It is going to be difficult to make another change so soon, but there is comfort in the familiar face of an old friend, our friendship, like so much else, new again.

"I'm at the end of a new frontier
here at the edge of the flat earth ending
I'm getting off to get lost in the air
At the end of the world where the light is bending."
- Counting Crows, New Frontier

I will, every day, endeavor to avoid letting life get in the way of my dream of having a career as a writer. I know that, to some extent, it has already begun to do so, as my writing time is less now. I have had some setbacks over the last few weeks, but I will persist. One of my goals is to take back my writing time. I hope that I can serve as an inspiration to my friend, that dreams can be realized in the face of reality. I can only hope and strive for that.

“Success comes from taking the initiative and following up... persisting... What simple action could you take today to produce a new momentum toward success in your life?" - Anthony Robbins

Last night, we went to dinner with my parents. After dinner, we shared with them the gift of a stranger. David Tanner, the musician and photographer who took the beautiful pictures of our hometown of Glen Rock, NJ sent us a gift last week. It arrived in the mail a few days ago, a CD filled with his photographs of our town. For two hours last night, we sat in my parents' living room and shared our memories of Glen Rock. My father told many stories that I either hadn't heard in years, or had never heard. His reminiscing was a great mental exercise. He showed me which buildings his father built, which stones his grandfather laid, places where he worked crime scenes or accidents or just directed traffic, shared memories of favorite meals at restaurants, and told us of some of the infamous stories of his misadventures as a Glen Rock Police Officer. It was a great time that we shared. I am deeply indebted to David for his thoughtful gift.

"In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future." - Alex Haley

I have been given the great honor recently, of being interviewed by Mike at Blog Interviewer. To check out the interview, head over here, read the interview, and vote for me! I have heard from the folks with the writing job and they are working on setting up the rescheduling of the web conference. I will keep you updated.

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream." - C.S. Lewis

I heard today, from one of my former students, that things aren't going well for the band program where I used to teach. Students are still quitting steadily, and the students have not developed trust or respect for the new director yet. Such things take time. I remember when I took over that program. Even though the previous director had lost the trust and respect of many of the students (as I'm sure I did with some), it was still extremely hard to gain the acceptance of these jaded, cynical beach kids. The environment they grow up in hardens them, makes them old before their time. I feel bad for leaving them and the program, especially now that I hear that things are not going well, but what I did is what had to be done, for a lot of reasons. Physically, I'm so much healthier now. Mentally, I'm working on recovering.

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely..." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Many of my co-workers in retail have never known a job more stressful or demanding than their current position. I feel so fortunate to have that perspective. I watched some of them today, as they handled a demanding customer. Chad interrupted his conversation to go to the rescue of his employees. He understands. After going to war, it's difficult to look at a rude customer as anything other than a minor annoyance. I spent every day with the lives of my students in my hands, on long bus trips and overnight excursions, with almost a hundred kids on a subway in New York City after midnight. He knows that I get it. It's not brain surgery, it's retail. Yet, he also understands that we can still touch the lives of others and make our little corner of the world a better place by making people smile. The co-worker I most often close with at the CD store understands this too. I'm going to miss "Sonny G" (he's a local rapper, who opened for Lil' Wayne a few weeks ago) when I make this new start. He is my friend. We can never have too many of those, and we never know when our friendship may get a new start.

“There is no past that we can bring back by longing for it. There is only an eternally new now that builds and creates itself out of the best as the past withdraws." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Everybody's working for the weekend..."

"Everyone's looking to see if it was you
Everyone wants you to come through
Everyone's hoping it'll all work out
Everyone's waiting, they're holding out."
- Loverboy, Everybody's Working For the Weekend

Labor Day weekend... the last gasp of the tourist season here in Myrtle Beach. After this weekend, the crowds and traffic will begin to disappear. The streets and stores will begin to belong more to the locals once again. The tourists that do arrive will be older, and mostly from Michigan. The families on summer vacation and college students looking for the excitement of the beach will be gone. Kids will be back in school for another dose of education. Parents will be back at work in whatever state they call home, with memories of another summer vacation gone by, perhaps longing for the next one, maybe already making plans in their minds.

"Vacation
All I ever wanted
Vacation
Had to get away..."
- The Go-Go's, Vacation

What this weekend meant for me was long hours in the store. I really didn't mind at all. Yesterday was an extremely busy day, but a busy day goes by quickly. The biggest drawback is that the store is always a mess after a day like that, with the number of customers moving merchandise around, and no chance to recover at intervals during the day. That, and being exhausted, with sore feet, when I finally make it home. As I said, I really don't mind. The worst crisis that could happen, barring something catastrophic, would be nothing compared to the crises I was used to dealing with on a daily basis with my old career. My physical tiredness does not equal the exhaustion of body and mind and 0verall numbness of both that I would come home with then. I just don't ever want to lose perspective of that. No matter how rude a customer was, no matter what difficulties arose with the computer system, no matter how messy the store was, I have had it much worse. I never want to lose sight of that.

I have one more week of nearly full-time hours at my current store, then I will be making the switch to the video game store and begin management training there. I am supposed to meet with my friend Chad tomorrow to get the necessary information for the switch. Then, I will need to let my current boss know what, if any, days I can still come back and work for him.

"Workin' for a living, living and workin'
I'm taking what they giving 'cause I'm working for a living."
- Huey Lewis & the News, Workin' for a Living

As far as the possible writing job, they are still interested. I received a reply to my email yesterday. There have been some scheduling conflicts that have hampered the proposed web conference, but they are working those out, and should be in touch with me today or tomorrow. I hope this works out. I want to at least see what my options would be in that area. As you know, I am very interested in that sort of position. I hope we can work something out.

Those of you who lived through the 1980's may have noticed my '80's theme lyrics on this post. Just for some '80's nostalgia, I am going to close this post with a list of my favorite '80's songs and movies. I would like to challenge any of you who would like to do one of two things: Either list your favorite '80's songs and/or movies in a post on your blog, or write a post about a vacation that you remember. The vacation can stand out in your memory for being the greatest one you had, or the worst one you had, or just one of the most memorable.

My Top 10 '80's Songs
(Compiled off the top of my head at this moment, subject to change, not in any particular order)
1. Don't You (Forget About Me) - Simple Minds
2. Need You Tonight - INXS
3. Black Coffee In Bed - Squeeze
4. I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - U2
5. Don't Let It End - STYX
6. The Ghost In You - The Psychedelic Furs
7. I Melt With You - Modern English
8. Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper
9. Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler
10. Why Can't This Be Love - Van Halen

My Top 10 '80's Movies
(same disclaimers as above)
1. The Breakfast Club
2. The Lost Boys
3. The Goonies
4. Earth Girls Are Easy
5. The Wraith
6. War Games
7. Howard the Duck
8. Nightmare On Elm Street
9. Short Circuit
10. Labyrinth

"With excitement like this, who is needing enemas?" - Ben, Short Circuit

"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same..."

(title quote: The Fray, All At Once)

"Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
Won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway."
- Boys Like Girls, The Great Escape

I have often heard the saying "God never closes a door unless he opens a window." In my life, I have also found that very rarely does that window open without a door being closed. We don't hear that saying very often, if ever. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, I'm just saying that it's as true as the more common version.

"The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become." - Charles du Bois

I have found, throughout my life, that wide open decisions are the exception rather than the rule. What I'm trying to say is that, most of the time, when I have a difficult decision to make between several options that appear roughly equal, something usually comes along and helps me make those decisions.

“The great thing is, if one can, to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions in one's "own" or "real" life. The truth is, of course, that what one regards as interruptions are precisely one's life." - C.S. Lewis

Ever since I found out that I would probably be getting an offer of employment from the game store, I have been extremely torn about whether to stay in my current job, which I like very much, or to move to this new opportunity, which would take me away from working with music and open the possibility of seeing my former students and their parents more often, but would pay more and reconnect me with one of my closest friends from my high school years.

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I arrived at work today, without having heard anything about the writing job, which I still have not heard anything else about (I emailed them when I arrived home tonight), my store manager informed me that with the mall hours being cut after Labor Day (we are currently open until 10 p.m., but beginning Tuesday will only be open until 9 p.m.), my hours would be greatly reduced, out of necessity. He told me he tried to do everything he could, but just couldn't give me more than 20-25 hours per week at most. Our profits are apparently down, and his allotment of hours has been cut due to the combination of those factors (mall hours and profits). He expressed an interest in trying to work out an arrangement with the other local store, so that I might be able to get 20 hours at each store, but last time that was suggested, it was not greeted with much enthusiasm by the manager at the other store. He told me that he likes me a lot, that I'm intelligent, and a great worker, I relate well to the customers, and I'm organizationally oriented. He relied heavily on my organizational skills to rearrange the stock in our store for the best traffic patterns. Plus, he just likes me. However, he has to cut hours, and one of his assistants is having his hours cut as well.

"The future has a way of arriving unannounced." - George Will

I told him about my offer with the game store, and he was supportive and understanding. He told me that he would like to keep me on the payroll, so that I could work for him whenever my schedule permitted, for extra money for me, and to keep a good worker in his store. I agreed that I would like to do that, schedule permitting. Thus, it looks like this door, while not being closed tight and latched, is at least being narrowed to a small opening, so that I may now look out the window that has opened. It looks like that part of my decision making process has been simplified at least. I will probably now be joining my old friend Chad at his company. I am really starting to feel that I am being steered, eventually, to the new beginning in the new city, though it would likely not even be available until next spring.

"Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are." - Bertold Brecht

Thank you all for your support, thoughts and prayers. I am anxiously awaiting word of my other opportunity. I am finding comfort, as I often do, in the lyrics of The Fray. I'm not sure why, but they seem quite relevant to me at this point.

I have to rehearse tomorrow morning, as I agreed to sing on Sunday morning, though I now found out that I am working Sunday afternoon. After rehearsing, I will be going straight to work. I wanted to share my update and now I must be off to bed. The past few weeks have been tiring, keeping me on my toes, not allowing me to settle into anything. Right now, I feel like that's a good thing.

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power." - Alan Cohen